the good old days

For snarky humor aimed at the clumsy advertising of yesteryear, Kitchen Retro is always good for a laugh.

What 1936 Betty Crocker advised us: Men are incompetent housekeepers who transition from mooching off their mother to mooching off their wife, and of course are never satisfied with the cooking of the wife.

Which, if you think about it, means that cooking skills are quantitatively getting worse with every generation. In another few centuries, we’ll all be putting dirt on plates and sobbing apologies for not being able to get the worms “just like mother used to make”.

Maybe I should stop thinking about it.

Anyway, the biscuit-loving husband picture is a riot. Can’t say it much better than Lidian did…

Check him out, holding up the Bisquick biscuit and grinning. Getting to be a swell cook? Getting to be? How many goddamn batches of biscuits does a person have to make and shove down his throat before he coughs up an unadulterated compliment!

Gee, isn’t that swell?

Men wanted just one thing from her.

Wonder what that one thing was. Dance lessons? Stock tips? Cookie recipes? The secret to how she keeps that dress from falling off?

It’s weird looking back at different media struggling to reconcile “men want to go on dates and have a good time with women” with “men want to marry a woman who knows how to cook, clean, raise kids, all while wearing high heels”. The mental hygiene genre of classroom films tend to push you in the latter direction. Comic books, however…

Here’s a bit of vintage dating advice.

IF, YOU FEEL YOU’RE NOT AS POPULAR AS YOU MIGHT BE, ARE YOU SURE YOU’RE AS ALERT AS YOU COULD BE? PERHAPS THE FELLOW WHO WORKS AT THE NEXT DESK IS A LITTLE SHY–MAYBE HE’S BEEN THROWING HINTS YOUR WAY AND YOU HAVEN’T BEEN CATCHING THEM!

PERHAPS YOU’RE SO BUSY WAITING FOR YOUR DREAM MAN TO COME ALONG YOU’RE OVERLOOKING SOME VERY GOOD BETS! SOMETIMES A GIRL HAS SUCH A DETAILED PICTURE OF HER “HERO” IN MIND THAT SHE OVERLOOKS HIM IF HE SHOULD SHOW UP IN SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT GARB!

Rule 1: Stop being so damn picky. No wonder you’re single if you won’t eat food you hate and don’t date anybody who asks.

ARE YOU MAKING THE MOST OF AVAILABLE OPPORTUNITIES TO MEET YOUNG MEN YOUR AGE? IN SHORT, DO YOU GO PLACES WHERE THE YOUNG MEN ARE? JOIN A SOCIAL CLUB OR TRY THE SWIMMING POOL AT THE LOCAL “Y”! YOU MIGHT BE SURPRISED AT THE RESULTS!

ARE YOU TOO ANXIOUS? DOES YOUR WHOLE ATTITUDE ADVERTISE THE FACT THAT YOU’RE MAN HUNGRY? BE CAREFUL NOT TO SCARE POTENTIAL DATES AWAY WITH OVER EAGERNESS!

Rule 2: Flaunt your stuff. Guys don’t want to meet your parents, they want to see what you look like in a bathing suit.

THIS IS NO TIME TO BE TOO PROUD! LET YOUR FRIENDS KNOW YOU’D LIKE TO MEET SOME ELIGIBLE YOUNG MEN! THEY’RE USUALLY VERY GLAD TO COOPERATE!

ARE YOU FRIENDLY AND SWEET TO EVERYONE–NOT JUST THE MEN ON WHOM YOU WANT TO MAKE AN IMPRESSION! PERHAPS–JUST PERHAPS THE NICE OLD COUPLE DOWN THE STREET MAY BE THE ONES TO INTRODUCE YOU TO HIM IF THEY LIKE YOU!

Rule 3: It’s all about networking. Swallow your pride, girls, you need to settle! Grab whatever your friends and neighbors scrape together. See Rule 1.

And just in case you’re wondering — modern tips for increasing your dateability (found by Google, of course) include things like having lots of interests, and buying a good digital camera to get a high-quality picture for your profile at online dating sites. I don’t know if that’s much of an improvement.

I got these images from Lady, That’s My Skull originally, but can’t find the exact post now.