the good old days

We are casual fans of geocaching, the game which lets you trick your child into getting some healthy exercise on a hike by telling her you’re actually doing a treasure hunt. Somebody hides something somewhere (in the woods, on a road sign, wherever), then posts the coordinates on a website, and anybody with a GPS goes to look for it.

It was also a handy excuse to buy a GPS; while I usually won’t splurge on something I don’t really need (I know how to read a map, what’s wrong with maps?), I will shamelessly splurge on things that are purely recreational. But I have to admit, one small gadget is much easier to keep track of than dozens of large folding maps. The only drawback is that it will eventually run out of batteries, which a piece of paper manages to neatly avoid.

It was with great interest that I found this little invention. The Plus Fours Routefinder

was designed to be worn on the wrist – relying on good old-fashioned paper maps wound around wooden rollers, which the driver turned en route.

The tiny scrolls also showed the mileage and gave a “stop” instruction at the journey’s end.

A tiny analog GPS — well, more of a UKPS, since it was British. Cute, no?

This has popped up on a few blogs I read, but my favorite of the assortment is Strange Maps, because it has excellent writing and really cool posts, so they get the Via!

The Daleks was the second Doctor Who serial and the one that cemented the show as a cultural phenomenon in Britain.  It introduced the Doctor’s longest running and most persistent enemies, the half alive, half robotic conical metal monsters, the daleks.  Although they eventually rose to become the most sinister race in all of creation, the daleks started out small.  In their debut, the daleks were relatively few in number, not that imposing physically, and confined to their ancient city on their home planet Skaro, which they share with the Thals.  Three times during the story, the dalek machines were proven to be extremely vulnerable to electrical interruptions.  And in many ways, I think this original conception of the daleks was among the most effective of their portrayals.

Source: Skaro

Since the topic of this review is the daleks, I think I should share my general opinions of them as Doctor Who’s arch-nemesis race.  In general, I like the daleks.  I have pewter dalek salt and pepper shakers for special occasions; cleanser and I had daleks in formalware on our wedding cake.  As villains, they are sinister, effective, and unique.  However, there is a lot of variation in the quality of the stories in which they appear, and the most recent dalek stories have been uniformly bad.

Source: http://www.onedigitallife.com

I don’t like the daleks in the new series.  It seems the produces aren’t satisfied with using the daleks as daleks.  They instead have to have flying daleks who can stop bullets like characters from The Matrix, dalek cults, different varieties of dalek-human hybrids, an insane dalek prophet, and vast dalek armadas which threaten the whole of the universe but can be conveniently annihilated by pressing the right button. Of course, there were good and bad dalek episodes in the classic series.  In The Dalek Invasion of Earth, Ian manages to foil the daleks’ plan to blow up the Earth’s core and fly the whole planet back to Skaro with some lumber he finds lying around.  The role of the home planet Skaro was also a major point of inconsistency.  In Planet of the Daleks, the titular villains have assembled on the planet Spiridon an invasion force one hundred thousand strong to take over the galaxy, yet there are still Thals on Skaro with sufficient infrastructure of their own to send a commando force to disrupt the daleks’ plans.  On the other hand, Day of the Daleks has an excellent and well-thought-out time travel plot, and Death to the Daleks is my all-time favorite Doctor Who story (although more for the city of the Exxilons than the daleks themselves).  And who can forget the special weapons dalek in Remembrance of the Daleks.

Source: http://promus-kaa.deviantart.com/

In their first appearance (which properly should be titled “The Mutants”), the daleks inhabit a ancient city, vastly too large for them, on an otherwise desolate planet.  After an adventure on prehistoric Earth, the Doctor, his granddaughter Susan, and the school teachers Ian and Barbara land unexpectedly in the dead jungles near the city.   The Doctor connives to force the group to explore the dalek city, where they are eventually captured by the inhabitants.  During their captivity, the heroes learn some of Skaro’s history.  Much of the world was decimated by a brief nuclear war between two intelligent races, the warrior Thals, and the Dals.  The Dals mutated into hideous monstrosities and retreated into armored metal shells.  These silvery hulks were necessary to keep the mutants alive, but they drove them mad with anger and claustrophobia.  The once-humane Dals became the daleks, devoid of any emotions save rage and the atavistic desire to preserve their race’s supremacy.

Source: http://www.evilmadscientist.com/

Eventually, the time travellers escape and come into contact with the remaining Thals, who have travelled to the region because of a crop failure in their own surviving enclave.  The Thals have forsworn battle, and they are easily gulled by the daleks into a trap, where many of them, including their leader, murdered.  The surviving Thals escape, but hidebound by their pacifism, are unwilling to retaliate in any way.  Meanwhile, the daleks, having discovered that radiation is harmful to the Thals but necessary for their own mutant metabolism, plan to explode another nuclear weapon, to gain them final mastery over their world.

Source: http://www.torchwood.org/

Ian eventually convinces the Thals to accompany him on an infiltration mission.  They will sneak into the city through the swamp, mountains, and caves that protect its water supply.  The terrain is rather scary and alien, probably looking better in black and white than it would have in color.  Meanwhile, the Doctor and Susan take out the city’s defensive sensors, before being recaptured.  The story ends with a desperate melee between the Gallifreyans, humans, and Thals on one side and the dalek leaders on the other to control the core of the city.  Thanks largely to luck, the control panel for the entire metropolis is smashed, the daleks lose power, and the countdown for the neutron bomb is stopped.  The travellers can leave in peace, confident that they have destroyed the last debased, corrupted residues of the once-noble Dal people.  (Obviously things turn out differently, but no real explanation is every given for how the daleks avoid the rather certain doom that this story originally meted out to them.)

Source: http://www.planetjune.com/

This story is really excellent, better than I remembered.  The design of the sets and props was excellent.  Obviously, the most important props were the daleks themselves.  They were very unconventional robot monsters in their day, yet at the same time also much more reasonable-looking than humanoid androids.  The distinctive dalek voices and their Hitlerian vocabulary are really a crucial part of their villainous effictiveness.  The huge, empty city, with its pale walls, low arched doorways, and many elevators was alien and subtly frightening.  The jungles and swamps outside were a bit less impressive, but they worked well enough, and the set designers did an excellent job of concealing the small size of the stages on which they were shooting.  And the caves looked more real (thanks to not having a perfectly flat floor) than most that appear on television shows.

Source: http://www.treklens.com/

The special effects were modest but generally well handled.  The daleks’ disabling weapons caused the scene to shift into negative, which makes for a disturbing effect.  (It’s even creepier in later stories, when it’s in color.)  The split screen shots worked well, especially the ones used to represent elevators.  There were a few missteps, like using an obvious closeup of an ordinary caterpillar to represent a supposedly terrifying swamp monster, but they were limited in number.  They didn’t really affect my enjoyment of the story, which I will definitely watch again when my kids are a few years older.

I will build a car for the great multitude. It will be large enough for the family, but small enough for the individual to run and care for. It will be constructed of the best materials, by the best men to be hired, after the simplest designs that modern engineering can devise. But it will be low in price that no man making a good salary will be unable to own one-and enjoy with his family the blessing of hours of pleasure in God’s great open spaces. — Henry Ford

The simplified, awe-filled view of Ford is that he invented assembly line manufacturing and the automobile. The truth is a bit more prosaic — cars had been around for years, as had assembly lines. But by combining the two, Ford was able to make cars at an inconceivable rate, which reduced the price from “hand-crafted luxury item for the ridiculously rich” to “affordable useful item for the masses.” The modern automotive age is largely due to that innovation and shift in manufacturing technique.

When first released in 1908, the Model T cost an equivalent of approximately $18000, although the price would fall by half by 1915. It allegedly got 21 mpg (although modern drivers of Model T’s quote 14 mpg), was durable, could go almost thirty miles per hour (!), and even a Ford factory worker could reasonably afford it. Amazingly, aside from an increased top speed and luxuries like seat belts and windshield washer fluid, nothing revolutionary has happened in the automotive world in the last 100 years.

Happy anniversary, Model T

Via the Mad Vortex, a spiffy stove advertisement.

Seriously, just look at that feature list.

• Nickel Plate Rail Guard
• Artistic Design
• Substantial Construction Throughout
• Great Fuel Saver
• Plate Holder
• Roll Back Door
• Roomy Warming Overn
• Mirror Finish Nickel
• Silver Nickel Brackets
• Draft Regulator
• Large White Enamel Water Tank
• Ring Cover for Small Pots
• Handy Oven Damper
• Sanitary Oven Rack
• Rust-Proof Casing
• Reservoir Damper
• “Never Fail” Baking Oven
• Nickel Oven Door
• U-SO-NA Rust-Resisting Body
• Always Cool Alaska Wire Handle
• Flue Clean Out
• Massive Floor Base
• Airtight Riveted U-SO-NA Iron Body
• Wood Feed Door
• Draft Registers
• Poker Door
• Guard Rail or Drying Rod
• Lift Off Teapot Stand
• Lift Up Top Section

For comparison, this is the feature list for a shiny new $2100 GE Profile range (which is far more awesome than mine, but roughly similar)…

• PreciseAir™ Convection System — Delivers even air and heat circulation for superior baking and roasting results
• Single/Multi-Rack Convection Bake — Provides ideal airflow throughout the oven, ensuring optimal results on both racks
• Hidden Bake Oven Interior — Hides previously exposed bottom element to deliver a clean interior appearance
• 12″/9″/6″ Tri-Ring Element — Provides three cooking areas in one for the ultimate in cooking versatility
• Precise Digital Control System™ — Delivers accurate control on the cooktop, ensuring even heating and less temperature variation
• Self-Clean Oven — Conveniently cleans the oven cavity without the need for scrubbing

I feel… underwhelmed. I want a roomy warming oven!!! But at least it’s electric, not wood-burning.

And after that disaster of a meal involving hot dogs, of course there comes a story of a giant hot dog, being held proudly by Martha Stewart. First she makes you feel inadequate for not being able to whip up a garden picnic for 50 people with only 5 minutes notice, now she’s sneering at the size of your wieners.

Here’s what you missed on today’s Martha Stewart Show, which was dedicated to one of America’s most popular foods – hot dogs. Martha is holding up a 15-foot long weiner, modeled after the world’s largest hot dog, which was 197 feet long….

“For those of you who don’t think length matters, I disagree – especially when it comes to wieners. There’s just never enough bites in a hot dog.”
– photo and text from USA Today

But the word model begs a question: what, exactly, is the point of a model of a “world’s largest thing”? This might require some skill if we’re talking a replica model of the World’s Largest Chair, but a frankfurter? (And if it’s a scale model, then at 15 feet in length, it should be about the width of a toothpick.)

Actually, come to think of it, I have lots of models of World’s Largest Things in my house. They’re called normal, everyday things.

I should open a museum.

I’m posting this to remind myself that however bad the Retro Recipes get, they could always be a lot worse.

Before we delve into this week’s recipe, I’d like to share something that’s been bugging me for a few days. Now, I’m sure you’re reading this thanks to phonics, that wonderful system by which a word like “antidisestablishmentarianism” can be broken down into reasonable sections, and thereby pronounced. Unfortunately, phonics fails me when I have to use Knox Gelatine in a recipe. It’s that pesky “e” at the end of the word. It makes a long-I, which says EYE, instead of a short-I, which says EEE. So, a word spelled G-E-L-A-T-I-N-E is technically correctly pronounced “jell-a-tyne.” Without an “e”, it would be “jell-a-tin.”

So when I see Gelatine, I hear “gelatin” in my head because that’s a much more familiar pronunciation (even Firefox spellcheck is refusing to acknowledge gelatine as valid). But I see the “e” at the end and an annoying little voice shouts, “Jell-a-TYNE! Um… jell-a-teen?” This results in a temporarily distraction from my normal sensible approach to food, and I end up cooking something like Jellied Bouillon with Frankfurters.

(I actually found this after first landing on the terrifying Corned Tongue in Aspic. I will not buy tongue. It’s not gonna happen. Look elsewhere for sheer masochism. I don’t even know where to buy tongue, and I am not going to find out.)

JELLIED BOUILLON WITH FRANKFURTERS
Use beef stock; place frankfurters upright; hard-cooked eggs, sliced; diced celery. Frankfurters take on new glamour in this gleaming aspic.

From 500 Snacks: Bright Ideas for Entertaining (1941), Culinary Arts Institute

Glamour indeed. I challenge anyone to come up with a sentence using both “frankfurters” and “glamour” — and I won’t accept “Frankfurters are not usually associated with glamour.”

Anyway, Jellied Bouillon with Frankfurters appeared quite simple, like any good ingredient-centric recipe. I decided to jazz it up a little bit by making the frankfurters more visually appealing. (I had to do something — my hot dogs were too tall to fit in my bundt pan.) You can’t do much with diced celery, jellied bullion, or sliced eggs — but hot dogs, those turn into adorable little octopi.

Cut the bottom of the hot dog into 8 eighths, cook, and voila, curly little legs. You can even carve teeny smiles and eyes into them. Guaranteed to make preschoolers happy.

Once the eggs and celery were cut up and my hot dogs were octopussed, they all went into the bundt pan

and got covered with gelatined broth. (Ewwwww.)

Then it sat in the fridge for two hours. Reeeeally easy. Even popping it out of the mold was easy. But that’s when I started to have some misgivings. Some of the bouillon I’d used to make broth hadn’t dissolved, so there was some grit on top of the molded ring. You also couldn’t see anything besides the hard-boiled egg slices. The aspic was not “gleaming” so much as “very muddy”.

The pretty celery leaf garnish didn’t help. It tasted worse than it looked. Much worse.

While hot dogs, celery, and egg are tasty on their own, or even together, they are NOT tasty when coated in salty beef jelly. In fact, they are downright disgusting. Even hours after dinner, my stomach was angrily reminding me that I was a horrible person for expecting it to digest this foul mush. Utterly revolting.

It was just wrong. It should be sent to the Fail Blog. It was so bad I gave my child a piece of cake instead to try to make up for this heap of crap. If I cooked like this regularly, it would be grounds for divorce — if the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, this dish is a shortcut to a restraining order.

But on the plus side, the preschooler was very pleased with the octopi, and the dog thought he had gone to heaven when he got the vast quantities of leftovers. And it was a hell of a good laugh.

Did you know that “car club” back in World War II meant “carpool”? At first I thought they were encouraging people to join AAA, and while I think that’s a good idea, I didn’t understand (1) why paying AAA for membership required extensive effort, and (2) how it saved fuel. It’s easy, but not really a gas-saving choice. Anyway, it’s carpooling. And this was just one of many recommendations made by the government during the troubled years of World War II; rationing and conservation were hot topics.

What with gas getting pricier (as I’m sure you’ve heard), there is a gradual return towards government-based endorsement of fuel conservation. One effort I recently saw is EcoDrivingUSA.com, a cute website which details little things you can do to reduce your fuel usage, thereby saving your planet AND your pocketbook — win-win! If nothing else, you can enjoy a brief video of the Terminator Governator Gov. Schwarzenneger discussing conservation.

Overall, the site is much more feel-good than a poster with a wounded soldier, and that’s probably a good thing for the modern audience. The reaction to trying to scare people into environmentalism — for example, describing flooded cities from melting icecaps — is pretty underwhelmed. There are arguments about the validity of scientific evidence, arguments about how it’s all just partisan politics, arguments about fearmongering, and arguments about whether we should be arguing. But when you say, “OK, fine, forget all that. What’s the problem with saving money, by buying less gas, by USING less gas?” it’s hard for someone to argue without looking like a raging asshole who has money to burn. Average Joe Factory Worker (back when I worked in the factory and talked to him regularly) was always pro-conservation when I ignored icebergs and made him think about his wallet instead.

That’s kinda sad, because I’d like Average Joe to care about polar bears, but I’ll settle for me loving polar bears and getting him to save them inadvertently.

Poster borrowed from the New Hampshire State Library collections. EcodrivingUSA.com link from Writes Like She Talks. Weird synergy of sources — that’s all me.

On a commercial scale, gelatin is made from by-products of the meat and leather industry, mainly pork skins, pork and cattle bones, or split cattle hides. –Wikipedia

While this is still true today, I can totally understand why Knox changed their packaging from this (circa 1961)

to this (circa last week)

Which would you rather buy, a box with a cow on it, or a box with tasty deserts on it? Duh.

As a bonus, I love the “Still only 5 calories and 0g carbs” note.

Ethel: Gladys, dear, won’t you have some unflavored gelatin?
Gladys: Oh, no, Ethel, I’m watching my figure. No unflavored gelatin for me today!
Ethel: Oh, but Gladys, it’s still only 5 calories per serving. Come on, darling, live a little!
Gladys: Oh, Ethel, really? Only 5 calories per serving? No wonder Knox is the best-selling unflavored gelatin available!
Ethel: Oh, Gladys!
Gladys: Oh, Ethel!

They weren’t worried about those 5 calories on the 1961 box. I don’t know whether the Good Old Days wins there or not…

Dear Visteon,

Oh, I was getting over that. I was ready to mooch off my spouse for a few months. And so I moved to where we would have at least one income. I made sure to change my address so important documents would reach me. I made very sure. I have a copy of this confirmation. You’ve seen it, you know you have. You fucking sent it to me.

Most sincerely,
Your former engineer

If politicians bail out the auto industry, I will just curl up and die. I logically know that letting them collapse in a puddle of their own viscous incompetence is bad for the nation. But oh dear god they don’t know how to do anything right. I am surprised each and every time I start my car that it doesn’t blow up in my face. Even out of the automotive industry, they keep finding new and creative ways to fuck with my head.

Now I’ll go find something old, quaint, and amusing for tomorrow’s post. Or cook something retro for dinner. Anything to avoid reading more tax law.