Archive for August, 2008

31st Aug 2008

City of Death

I’m kicking off my series of reviews of “Classic Nerd Television” with my thoughts on the Doctor Who story City of Death.  (If you don’t want to hear any spoilers, maybe you should read no further.  I consider this fair warning for all my future reviews as well.  Caveat lector.)

This particular Doctor Who story has two main plot threads, one of which is a group of criminals trying to steal the Mona Lisa from the Louvre.  Coincidentally, we were watching it on August 21, 2008, the ninety-seventh anniversary of the actual theft of the Mona Lisa.

As a child, I saw almost all the Doctor Who serials that had survived the BBC tape wipings of the 1970s.  However, a great many of them I only got to watch once.  If my father decided that a given story wasn’t a “classic,” he would record over it the next week.  We watched City of Death once as a family, then taped over it with Nightmare of Eden.  So I had a very rough idea what the story was about — an alien broken into twelve pieces and scattered across time by the explosion that first created life on Earth, trying to steal the Mona Lisa to raise money for time travel research, so he could travel back and prevent the explosion — but I had forgotten everything else in the intervening twenty years.

What I found most striking about the story was the closeness of the relationship between the Doctor and Romana.  Perhaps it was the Parisian atmosphere, but it was difficult not to see a current of romance between the two time lords.  Of course, the fact that Tom Baker and Lalla Ward were falling in love at the time may have had something to do with it.  Doctor Who being what it is, there was never anything explicit; they just sort of acted like a couple, whether they were bickering or out having fun.  I don’t remember the pair’s intimacy being so apparent at any other point in the series, except perhaps in Logopolis, when the Doctor looks in on Romana’s now-empty room — which is remarkable, since the Doctor usually seemed to forget about his former companions almost instantaneously.

The alien, Scaroth, looked silly — played by Julian Glover, shortly after his appearance as the frighteningly cold General Veers, in a one-eyed green rubber mask.  To disguise himself as a human, the villain wore a second rubber mask with human features.  I couldn’t quite get over the oddness of the fact that when Scaroth was wearing his disguise, his head was smaller than with it off, since Scaroth with a mask was really Glover without one and vice versa.  Also inexplicable was the fact that some (or all) of the versions of Scaroth, which were scattered over millions of years of Earth history, had masks with identical features!  On the other hand, I really enjoyed a scene where one character, guided by the Doctor’s hints, locates an Egyptian papyrus where a one-eyed green monster is depicted alongside the pharaohs and gods.

Scaroth’s spaceship, unlike the “man” himself, was totally awesome.  A huge olive green sphere with three articulated legs, various ports, and a spinning ring around its equator.  It just looked more natural — the product of a coherent alien technology — and seemed to operate more fluidly than most of the products of the BBC model shop.

Later in the story, there’s a cameo by John Cleese, which I recall my father found quite hilarious.  Nothing Cleese says is really that amazingly funny.  It’s more just the incongruity of suddenly seeing Basil Fawlty propounding pompously on the TARDIS as a new piece of installation art at the Louvre that makes the scene.  (And at least it’s definitely him; no wondering whether that guy in The Face of Evil is actually Eric Idle in a secret cameo.)

Apart from Clese, the acting is good but not outstanding.  Ward turns in the best performance, with a particularly nuanced presentation of her relationship with the Doctor.  K-9, on the other hand, is completely absent.  Glover is more effective when his character seems to be just a sinister human gangster, rather than a megalomaniacal alien warlord.  And Tom Chadbon provides some additional humor as Duggan, a thuggish P.I. who tags along with the protagonists, sometimes being an asset and sometimes a liability.  A decision not to show Leonardo da Vinci on screen was probably wise.  Douglas Adams or one of the other ghost writers for the episode must have been an admirer of Leonardo.  There’s a nice touch when the Doctor drops in on the great painter, but the latter is out, so the Doctor leaves a note for him in mirror writing.

Unlike, say, The Pirate Planet, I’m unlikely to watch this story again before I my kids are old enough to enjoy it.  However, it was a nice piece of light entertainment with which to occupy an evening.

Posted in Classic Nerd Television, Doctor Who | 1 Comment »

30th Aug 2008

Driver’s Safety Films: US Royal Master Tire Commercial

The tire we could not kill!

As a manufacturing engineer, I’m a sucker for any commercial that shows industrial testing methods, and this one doesn’t disappoint. Watch when you get 2 minutes in — it drives over broken glass, railroad spikes, and axe heads.

You need to a flashplayer enabled browser to view this YouTube video

In other words, if you’re attacked by lumberjacks, you’ll probably want to bring a US Royal Master tire along to protect yourself.

Posted in advertisement, automotive safety, video | No Comments »

29th Aug 2008

Grocery shopping for total idiots

If you thought cooking based on brand name advertising recipes was a risky business, just wait ’til you see what happens if you cook based on ingredients … bought when shopping without a list.

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The horror! (Really, though, does anybody think he bought oysters just because he was “hungry?” Puh-leeeese. But the turnips put an odd spin on that idea…)

The original film, 1950’s cleverly named Buying Food, is a dull instructional piece on getting good value for your money. What’s sad, though, is that “I thought that was obvious” information like shopping from a list was something that was considered vital to teach students — and is something that most students are desperately in need of.

Posted in finance, food, video | 3 Comments »

28th Aug 2008

What’s Twiki tweaking there?!?

Starting Sunday, I’m adding another author to this blog to provide weekly critiques, rants, and humorous highlights of classic sci-fi shows. (Considering he’s responsible for helping eat the weekly Retro Recipes — even the disgusting ones — it seems only fair.) I’ve been watching the episodes along with him, and am looking forward to seeing them memorialized… also looking forward to being able to take a day off every week and make somebody else responsible for the entertainment 8)

Posted in random self-love | 1 Comment »

28th Aug 2008

Olé?

During my random search for retro recipes to inflict on the kids treat my family to, Lidian of Kitchen Retro posted one that looked like a real fiasco winner:

The name promised a fast, exotically foreign, zippy and fun dish.

Then I read the ingredients.

1/4 cup bacon drippings [This is where I should have just stopped.]
1 medium onion, thinly sliced
1/2 medium green pepper, diced
1-1/2 cups Minute Rice (TM)
1-3/4 cups hot water
2 cans Hunts Tomato Sauce (TM)
1 teaspoon salt….Dash of pepper
1 teaspoon prepared mustard (optional)

The teaspoon of mustard is optional, just in case you might find this too spicy! Urgh… But, through a lack of common sense and self-preservation, I felt committed.

I tend to violate these brand-created recipes at will, sticking to the “spirit” while adjusting the ingredients. If there is any way to make this even vaguely edible, I’ll be attempting it. For example, Minute Rice is stupid. If you can’t boil rice in water, you shouldn’t be trying anything harder than peanut butter sandwiches. Similarly, I’m not using 1/4 cup of bacon drippings (shouldn’t I be recycling this for bombs, anyway?) because that’s disgusting. I decided to live dangerously and use a heaping teaspoon of mustard.

It starts off well — onions, green pepper, and rice look pretty tasty. Then I added the tomato sauce, and it ended up looking like an accident scene out of a Sid Davis driver’s ed film. (Commentary on Kitchen Retro about this ad-recipe concentrated on the unappealing visual — the food photographer should have been fired for making a dish look that bad. In actuality, we should be heaping praise on the poor guy for making it look as good as he did.)


Even with 2 teaspoons of mustard, it’s bland — no surprise, since you’ve ended up with a bowlful of tomato sauce with small bits of other stuff in it occasionally. And it makes a huge bowlful, meaning I have plenty of Spanish Rice Pronto for leftovers. One mitigating factor is that I got to picture 1950’s Housewife being told by her husband that he was bringing home an important client for dinner, and he was from Spain so could she please try to come up with something Spanish? And then this bullshit would be served. EPIC FAIL! HA HA!

Posted in advertisement, disgusting, food, just plain weird, retro recipe attempt | 6 Comments »

28th Aug 2008

My eyes, my eyes…

It’s totally tubular. Awesome. Excellent (in the Bill and Ted sense), even.

I’m talkin’ about the 2012 London Olympics logo.

In a move billed as the most significant event since London beat Paris in 2005 in the race to host the Games, the organising committee unveiled a striking, jagged emblem as the official symbol for the Olympics.
Telegraph

Also mentioned in the Telegraph article: the logo was…

  • aimed at the younger, “internet generation”
  • apparently inspired by graffiti artists [note: any graffiti artist passing this shit off as cutting edge would be beaten to death with spraypaint cans]
  • hailed as “dynamic” and “vibrant” by organisers.
  • Lord Coe, chairman of the London Games organising committee… “We don’t do bland — this is not a bland city.”

The irony of a Lord — one of the most stereotypically bland and uptight things in England — saying “we don’t do bland” is apparently lost on Lord Coe. Now, they certainly don’t have to embrace their reputation of a country of stiff upper lips (although the tea idea is funny). But think of all the times you’ve seen 60-somethings wearing fashions intended for 15-somethings. Older men or women dating a drastically younger person. Parents driving SUV’s because they need passenger space, but can’t bear to be seen driving a minivan. In four years, it will be people proudly wearing Olympic Logo shirts because they think it makes them look younger and internet-savvy.

The logo is a cry for help — it’s a midlife crisis in neon form, especially with that £400,000 pricetag. It’s pathetic. Is that really what you want the world to think when they watch the Olympics in your city?

Hire a real graffiti artist, please, you’ll get much better results. And throw in some breakdancing while you’re at it. If you’re going to show me stuff from my childhood, you might as well make it the good stuff.

Posted in just plain weird | 3 Comments »

27th Aug 2008

Curses! Foiled again… by POSTUM!

Are you a coffee addict?

Imagine the economic devastation resulting from the government’s declaring coffee a controlled substance – a narcotic. Importers, exporters, investors, buyers and dealers out of business. Retail, wholesale and vending gone. The financial shockwave would be hard to overcome, but the money would find other avenues. Coffee Prohibition wouldn’t stop the flow of coffee across the borders from Mexico and the Caribbean. I’ll bet some of the best coffee would come from Canada…

Luckily, it’s likely that any agency or official who might have the power to restrict caffeine trafficking is also severely addicted. But just in case the one person in the country who doesn’t drink coffee in the mornings happens to come to power and take drastic measures to ruin everyone else’s life, we could rely on Postum to save the day.

Postum is made from wheat bran, wheat, molasses, and maltodextrin, and created by a follower of J. H. Kellogg’s crazy diet ideas. Back in the day, it was advertised by the bizarre Mr. Coffee Nerves (you thought some internet comics were weird? Postum advertisements FTW!). My mother tried this for a while when giving up coffee; she still has some of that first jar sitting in her cupboard 25 years later.

It turns out that Postum is no longer made, since late 2007. There are people who got addicted to really loved and can’t live without Postum — now that it’s unavailable, they’re having to make Postum substitutes.

The street value of my mother’s half-used jar is probably skyrocketing.

Posted in advertisement, food | 4 Comments »

26th Aug 2008

Nice doggie! We’re only trying to be helpful!

Naphtha is a fairly nasty chemical if you’re exposed to excessive quantities.

Chronic toxicity testing has not been conducted on this product. However, the following effects have been reported on one of the product’s components. Stoddard solvent: Repeated or prolonged exposure to high concentrations has resulted in upper respiratory tract irritation, central and peripheral nervous system effects, and possibly hematopoetic, liver and kidney effects.
–Fels-Naphtha MSDS, via Wikipedia, which incidentally misspells the product’s name, but what do you expect, it’s Wikipedia

Of course, this was never mentioned in vintage Fels-Naphtha advertisements; they were more concerned with shaming housewives who didn’t get their husband’s shirts blindingly white. (You also weren’t terribly likely to eat the shirts, anyway, so I doubt there was a very serious risk.) BUT, the chemistry angle adds an interesting spin to a Fels-Naphtha advertisement recently posted by Millie Motts

Exchanging mild soap for a more potent bar was just the beginning. Maltida and Susan would continue escalating their “we’re just being considerate” crime spree, culminating in the murder binge immortalized in Arsenic and Old Lace.

Posted in advertisement, just plain weird, strange photos | 2 Comments »

25th Aug 2008

Don’t invite this guy to your next party

The line between indulgence and obsession can be blurry, and it is hard to be honest with oneself (especially while drunk) about behavior. I remember one college internship where a group of other interns (all sophomores) were overjoyed when they learned I was a junior. “You can buy the booze!” one cheerfully explained. They were dreadfully disappointed when they found out I wouldn’t be 21 until the last week of the summer.

They found another (older) intern to help out eventually, of course, and were cheerfully drunk on cheap boxed wine all summer. My ability to drink massive quantities with little apparent effect was one of their favorite talking points — they never seemed realize (probably because they were totally smashed) I never had hangover-induced problems at work because I didn’t drink if I needed to be coherent any time soon. You can’t expect to drag your bloodshot eyes into the office two hours late almost every day and still get a good performance review. One even managed to blow his final presentation, due to a massive hangover induced by drinking all night while finalizing his presentation. You’d think that might be funny to watch (drunks are funny, right?), but it was just painful — trying to hear the mumbled explanation of engineering equations (all wrong), and knowing he was digging his way into an EPIC FAIL hole.

With that in mind, enjoy a PSA from the 70’s entitled The National Drinking Game. It would have been interesting to show this to the alcoholic interns.

Posted in video | 1 Comment »

24th Aug 2008

Incredible, edible, processed until unrecognizable…

I have never seen a film so madly in love with eggs — nor, after this, do I want to see one again. After a minute of rhapsodizing about the historical value, versatility, and nutritional value of the incredible edible egg, the smarmy narrator of The Incredible Edible Egg In Foodservice gives every possible detail about egg safety and preparation.

This was a production of the American Egg Board, and it’s bizarre that they felt the need to explain the uses of eggs to the world. As is mentioned in the beginning, eggs have been used forever. Industry advertisements are supposed to make you realize, “Gosh, how have we ever been living without this product? Get one now! Heck, get two!” I don’t expect there are many food service industries which were ignorant of the versatility of egg usage before seeing this advertisement.

One thing that the film doesn’t bother to explain is exactly what a “long egg” is — and, watching this as a non-food-service-person, this was the one thing I really hoped they’d explain. (Wikipedia didn’t even have an article on it [!], but Google saved the day.) Apparently, it’s a cylinder with egg white on the outside and yolk on the inside that, when sliced, creates hard-boiled egg pieces of consistent diameter. It appears to have been invented in the 1970’s.


Photo is from a webpage in a language I don’t have the character set for, which includes some other pictures of less elegant-looking long eggs as well.

Posted in advertisement, food | 1 Comment »