29th Apr 2008
Etiquette and Society: Write me a damn thank-you note already
Today’s selection is brought to you from Edith B. Ordway’s 1920 The Etiquette of To-Day. Hurray for Project Gutenberg.
Wedding Presents
… The usual form of wedding gift is something of use and ornament for the new house. Silver, linen, cut glass, or china for the dining-room, furniture, rugs, lamps, clocks, vases, books, and pictures, or bric-a-brac for the rest of the house, are all appropriate….
The wedding gift should be a real gift in spirit, something expressive of the giver’s good wishes, and something which the bride and bridegroom can enjoy and appreciate for its worth to them. Foolish things, whether expensive or not, have no real utility or beauty, and have always the atmosphere of insult about them, or else always reflect upon the intelligence of the giver.
A bride should acknowledge all gifts as soon as they are received, and before her wedding day if possible. Spontaneous rather than stereotyped notes of thanks are preferable. They should show appreciation of the gift, and include the name of the bridegroom-elect in her expression of their gratitude. A bride should remember that too elaborate notes, which are a grave tax on her strength or time in the busy days preceding a wedding, are unwise, as is any other unnecessary expenditure of energy.
It is never obligatory to send a wedding present. The wedding announcement and wedding invitation are equally suggestive of such gifts, for in either case, whether one is invited to the ceremony or not, one is perfectly free to do as he pleases about conferring a gift.
I have attended a couple of cousins’ weddings within the last year or two. Each couple got something selected from their registry; I try to pick out something between “potato masher” and “set of eight highly expensive cut glass goblets”, as that’s both appropriate for my finances and also where the more interesting/expressive gifts tend to be. (I think I might have bought Bill a few random kitchen utensils, though.)
I haven’t received a thank-you note from either couple yet. While I hardly expected thanks “before [the] wedding day”, I did expect something. Seriously. My four-year-old daughter knows how to write very few words, but her name and “Thank You” are at the top of the list. If you’re getting married, you’re obviously over four.
“Grave tax on her strength or time” makes it sound like all brides were on the verge of dying from the consumption.